I’ve noticed before that in times of stress or big change in my life my mind throws up images and memories from my past. Sometimes they’re brief, just a quick blink of my eye, (a snowy day rail-track and an icy statue in a graveyard), maybe a touch of how I felt (youthful, on an adventure), to more full blown sensory memories, with thoughts that I had at the time, the feel of cold on my nose, smells, the whole thing.
St. Petersburg has obviously featured pretty high on the list. Last night as we were going asleep one memory thundered into my mind and demanded to be spoken aloud. I told Benny, walked him through it, all the little details I remembered so that it came alive for him again too. Needless to say it’s not demanding to be shared now that I want to write about it, I can’t remember what it was for the life of me.
I wonder why that happens? Why my dreams are so hyper-vivid at the moment, why little moments in time I haven’t thought about in years, perhaps since they happened, are flashing away in my mind in this random manner? Is it that they always demand to be examined but when I’m under a lot of stress I develop a one track mind to deal with the immediate problem, and then when they get an opportunity to spill out, they literally flood my mind? It’s probably part of the answer at least. It’s as if since I found out I’m leaving, I can drop my guard a little, I’m not so much in battle, not holding it all together - and this is letting the good thoughts, the creative thoughts flow. Perhaps. I’ll ponder it som’ore.
I think I’m going to start using the secret blog soon. It’s set up, and anyone who finds it will get a prize from me, the user name I have for it is the only clue really as to who owns it, but it’s not enough to be incriminating. I’m actually quite chuffed with the user name, I really didn’t know how I was going to top ‘louphoria’. I find the new one quite witty actually. Unless I’ve badly misinterpreted the reference. Hmm.
Oh, I think it’s pretty appropriate given your personality. Very clever, actually. I had to look it up to refresh my memory.
The memory is a strange beast. Every now and then mine will toss something out that stops me in my tracks. Who knows what triggers it: a sound, a smell, a turn of phrase. I’ve never been able to figure out a cause.
Dreams, on the other hand, I don’t remember. I’ll wake up knowing that I’ve had one and I may be able to grasp a dissolving thread or two, but I’m never able to remember the narrative or context of the images that I do have. Frustrating.
How well I know that frustration and envy the ones who don’t suffer from it. My sister is one who dreams vividly and can recall all of it, or nearly so. Me, I remember I dreamt and maybe a tiny bit but not as much as I’d like, particularly the very nice dreams. Seems like the ones where I’ve lost my way and can’t get to wherever are the ones that carry over into the waking hours. Boo, hiss!Think chilly rain swept streets with the rain marching in battalions, and familiar sights that suddenly aren’t quite right. Ouch!
Now that you know a certain endpoint is about a month away, maybe you should ::cough:: find yourself “ill” every Saturday morning….
My head is too full of house selling and buying shenanigans to be capable of solving mysteries just now, Lou. Send me the new name, please? That’s if you don’t mind?
My addled pate can’t figure it out either.
Would you please send me the new name, too?
Hugs and skritches, as appropriate, to you, Benny and the kittens,
~ Sil
Add me to OGP and Sil. I KNOW Gordo got it. I have half an idea of what might be the name, but I’m a little lax in the department of computer savvyness.
(Although, I would love to win a prize…hummmm).