I’ve noticed before that in times of stress or big change in my life my mind throws up images and memories from my past. Sometimes they’re brief, just a quick blink of my eye, (a snowy day rail-track and an icy statue in a graveyard), maybe a touch of how I felt (youthful, on an adventure), to more full blown sensory memories, with thoughts that I had at the time, the feel of cold on my nose, smells, the whole thing.
St. Petersburg has obviously featured pretty high on the list. Last night as we were going asleep one memory thundered into my mind and demanded to be spoken aloud. I told Benny, walked him through it, all the little details I remembered so that it came alive for him again too. Needless to say it’s not demanding to be shared now that I want to write about it, I can’t remember what it was for the life of me.
I wonder why that happens? Why my dreams are so hyper-vivid at the moment, why little moments in time I haven’t thought about in years, perhaps since they happened, are flashing away in my mind in this random manner? Is it that they always demand to be examined but when I’m under a lot of stress I develop a one track mind to deal with the immediate problem, and then when they get an opportunity to spill out, they literally flood my mind? It’s probably part of the answer at least. It’s as if since I found out I’m leaving, I can drop my guard a little, I’m not so much in battle, not holding it all together - and this is letting the good thoughts, the creative thoughts flow. Perhaps. I’ll ponder it som’ore.
I think I’m going to start using the secret blog soon. It’s set up, and anyone who finds it will get a prize from me, the user name I have for it is the only clue really as to who owns it, but it’s not enough to be incriminating. I’m actually quite chuffed with the user name, I really didn’t know how I was going to top ‘louphoria’. I find the new one quite witty actually. Unless I’ve badly misinterpreted the reference. Hmm.
