Certain mad nights I reach down and remember the matrix of things that make me who I am now. Things bubble up to the surface and surprise me, tears well, meanings rise, tides flow over and I’m me again. I can’t imagine how this song might bring you there with me, but if you can…

If, understandably, that still doesn’t get you there, try this:

and failing that, cup of coffee, close your eyes..:

Well, the weekend went as planned, too much Chinese, not quite too many pints, a nice sleep in and a bumper day of shopping in Enniskillen, with a large Subway to tide us over til home. Monday morning, in the wee small hours, my indulgence with a rather large ‘garlic and basil’ flatbread (probably enough to feed four normal human beings) resulted in that awful, awful cramp that wakes you up at half five in the AM and says ‘you’re gonna puuuuuke!’ And so I did, with the intensity of a gale force wind. The result was a seriously laid back Monday, but one where we got a lot achieved. Benny got a hair gut (praise be!), we finally invested in a petrol lawnmower (the hover jobbie from last year refuses to turn on, and we’ve lost the receipt), and we bought a new clothes line and pegs. A spring outing if ever there was one.

That evening we went out to Dooney Rock, for a near religious experience of bright white sunlight setting through the tall stark trees, just starting to produce little floating collections of small fresh lime and mint coloured fluttering leaves. I stood at the edge of the lake, in the light rain, facing the cold strong white sun and let the line ‘lake water lapping with low sounds by the shore’ repeat in my mind. I couldn’t resist putting my hand into the water either, and letting the cold and calm work up through my body.

Today I returned to work all full of positivity, I worked hard all day, but I’m still energised this evening. Nice feeling. I suppose the fact that I found out when I got in this morning that next Monday is a bank holiday might have helped in part to buoy my mood – two days off is a precious thing.

Tonight’s mini adventure was out to Glencar waterfall, a trip accompanied by the most lovely sunset -the fluffy candy-pink and sucky-sweet orange clouds strewn everywhere, the sea all purple and diluted indigo ink, a soft heather glow swirling the horizon into an idea. The line I kept thinking of at the time was that it all looked like an explosion, followed by an inferno, in a marshmallow factory.

Now, I’m going to enjoy the remainder of my shandy, which I’m supping from one of the fabulous new coloured glasses we bought up North, and settle down to enjoy Battlestar.

Take care all, x

sorry for making everyone fret! I’m perfectly fine, I took Monday off (asked for it after I even wrote Saturday’s blog I think) and we packed so much in by the time it came to writing here last night, I was just panned out.

I’ll write something a little later on, up to my you know whats right now

The sun came back out to day! Blue skies, few fluffy white clouds, mild and a refreshing breeze – beautiful! It has lifted my mood with it. Well, that and our imminent trip to Cavan. We’re going to head down pretty much straight after work – then off out to the Abbey for a skinful (after a Chinese from our favourite Chinese) and back via Enniskillen for the shopping on Sunday. We’re creatures of habit, yes, you knew this already

Busy enough in here today, so I shan’t stay on long. Just wanted to share my excitement. I just love going to that old house in Cavan, so many wonderful memories from growing up, so many things in it that never change, that are the pure definition of homely.

So now, just a little over two hours left. It should fly in, was busier this morning and slowed in the last hour, but we always find around three it starts to go mad again. Fingers crossed please that there are no five to four assholes this evening – nothing worse than getting nabbed five minutes before you’re weekend starts.

Have a lovely one everyone – I may not be around to post tomorrow evening, but who knows.

Take care all, x

Oh such a yucky horrible aul day as it is out there. Grey, damp, windy, wet, rotten. I got spoilt with sun and moderate temperatures over the last week – I don’t want to go back to this shitty weather!

No particular reason for no post yesterday, other than tiredness. I found myself nodding off on the couch about fifteen minutes before I usually write, it was non-negotiable snooziness. I don’t think I had the greatest nights sleep ever though, Benny was complaining of nightmares last night and I have some half remembered images of a Luhrmann style argument in a petrol station resulting in me biting off the tip of my assailants little finger. So, yeah.

***

I have put together too absolutely fantastic sandwiches in the past few days, allow me to share. I make my own tuna mix first (bung the drained can in a bowl with mayo and a touch of tomato puree), smooth some onto nice brown pan, top with a full tomato chopped into cubes (or whatever way you like), one or three sliced olives and lot’s of cheddar or some other mild meltable cheese. When I’ve melted the cheese and toasted it all under the grill I pull it apart and put in a large handful of sliced red onion. I discovered by accident that by not heating the onions along with everything else the bite and full on flavour they retain is a much nicer compliment to the sarnie. Similarly, using the whole tomato is a revelation, it was one I had to use up, and I did wonder if it would be too much, but no, tons of tomato is part of why it’s nice. And you get to feel nice and smug about having one of your five a day (or whatever).

The other sarnie I came up with today, now, obviously, I’m not saying that either of these concoctions is orignal, but it’s always good to jog the memory. So anyway, brown pan, or whatever you like, light spread of Flora etc. some sliced corned beef (from a can or pack), thick sliced cheddar, three pickled silverskin onions sliced, half a tomato, diced, a pile of sliced red onion and a decent spread of chunky Branston Pickle. I made noises eating that one today that really aren’t appropriate for the kitchen table of a lunchtime.

Anyway, to summarise, sarnies are good. Oh, nearly forgot, I had a cup of Oxtail soup with my corned beef creation, that really turns it into a good filling lunch.

So, what’s going on in our little world? I’m a bit bored and tired in work, this Saturday will be my third in a row. I feel as if I need a reset, and we may well take a spin to Cavan tomorrow evening. I’ll see how bouncy/busy I am on Saturday.

There’s not really much else going on in all honesty. Which is fine, I don’t think I’d like too much excitement at the moment anyway. Just head down, earn me keep, laugh at whatever I can laugh at and look forward to a few beers on Saturday night. It’s not perfect, but it’s not forever. Which reminds me, we were watching Who do you Think you are? last night, a documentary where famous sorts research their family trees and last nights was the actor Robert Lindsay. His recounting of the nature of the steel works where something like four generations of his family worked, most of them for 52 years, was like a vision of hell. Makes you grateful for whatever small comforts you care to see when you look about you. Imagine doing a job like that, with those kinds of hours, in that kind of dangerous, unbearably loud environment for 52 years? Fuck me I have it easy.

We had our first proper mid-week adventure drive tonight. We went out to Streedagh, then on too some windey tiny little roads near Mullagh More, then out past the little village itself to a wonderful spot that looks out over the twenty kilometers or so to the Donegal Mountains.

We sat in the car and chatted and watched the sun disappear behind the clouds. To say it was relaxing shows how totally chilled out I am, I can’t even be arsed to find a fancy metaphor.

Home then, at about half nine to a mug of tea and a Tangle Twister. Thankfully it doesn’t take too much to keep me smiling, not on a long mild sunny evening anyway.

We watched an episode of Grand Designs that we had recorded when we got in. We’ve watched a lot of Grand Designs in our time, and this was the first house we’ve ever seen on it that we just said, yes, yes, yes, tomorrow, live in it tomorrow, perfect. It was a Finnish log house, all …

Okay, go google it if your interested, I can’t ignore Millie any more. She started by licking my fingers as I typed, now she’s lying on my arm (even though the laptop is filling my entire lap), and now (you have no idea how hard it is to type in brackets while she’s doing this), she’s nuzzling my chin and giving me nose kisses, which I know is kinda gross…

No, can’t keep typing.. night night all! x

I’ve just spent the last hour giggling on and off.

First, the cats. The tiny-things love a particular brand of mousie we get them in the pet store in Enniskillen. It has little rattles inside, a leather tail and a big bright feather sticking out of it’s ass. It’s also the exact same size as a mouse, and light enough to be thrown into the air and whacked across the wooden floors like an air-hockey puck with a death-wish. Sometimes, when the mousie is fished out from under the couch, it possesses the tiny-things, and they growl demonically at each other. This evening was one of those evenings, so we paused the TV and leaned forward for the best view.

Millie got the mousie first, and did some impressive snorting, heckle shimmering and a really great deep-throated chiller of a growl. Sasha responded by taking the mousie off her first chance he got. He then turned into a little bully and paraded it in front of her and played with it in the most ‘na na ni na na’ way imaginable. Poor little Millie just sat there on the rug, observing meekly. Eventually I got tired of his childish bullying and dished out the most satisfying slice of justice I can recall in the recent past. I got up from the couch and took a brand new mousie from the pack, walked quietly up to Millie and silently deposited the prized morsel under her nose. Needless to say she then took advantage of Sasha’s state of high indignance and shock by taking possession of his mousie too. The battle still rages, over by the litter box at present.

The other source of giggle this evening came in the unexpected form of chucking unpopped kernels of butter flavour microwave popcorn into the fire. What was unexpected about it was the feeling of having stood on a snail that came with watching the little things burst into life before being instantly charred and consumed by flames. I guess you have to be one of life’s sensitive/black sense of humour types to really appreciate both the horror and the subsequent amusement we got from watching their majestic burst into life and almost simultaneous death by the very heat that brought them into being.

And on that rather odd note, I’m off to bed

My mind is absolutely full of junk at the moment. Not much is coming out of my mouth, or out via my fingers, but there’s plenty of crap going on up there all the same. Little pieces of information about things I’m not even thinking about consciously dance about at the front of my mind and leave my sentences trailing off.

It’s partly that I was still tired today from Saturday nights excesses. It’s also partly that the situation in work is getting more and more critical everyday. I’m keeping positive, most certainly, and I’m staying on top of my mood, but it’s still a distraction.

Why is everything I’m thinking about at the moment something I can’t say here, in public? It’s getting on my tits.

You know what I will say? Doing a job like I am now, where I’m constantly questioning my ability, and where I’m constantly fighting, and winning, to keep my sense of identity and worth intact, it’s character building. I wish to congratulate myself right now for not losing my mind doing this every day. Go me.

Okay, on reflection, it’s not just go me, it’s go us, I can’t imagine how I would have done it without Benny.

And so, to bed.

*For some reason Pearl Jam’s ‘Corduroy’ is, and has been, playing at full volume in my head the whole way through writing this. Just in case you’re wondering where the title comes from.

I gave myself a good old fashioned mega-hangover last night in the local. I became, in my head, indestructible, and drank all the beer. There is no beer left now, and it was me. Blup.

I haven’t had a hangover like this in a very long time. An all day dizzy, slightly nauseous, totally lacking in energy splodgerthon on the couch. I’m still no where near right and it’s half ten. Please let me be alright tomorrow.

That’s it, that’s all I got. My eyes have just filled to nearly overflowing with the size of the yawn I just had. Back to the couch before I keel over…

*my description of my first pint last night, it had been poured into a hot glass and was, well, as fizzy as…

My poor little kittens have lost their mousie under the couch and are doing their little nuts in trying to get it out, but without Benny here to lift the couch for us they shall have to do without. I feel like a big meanie, they keep looking at me as much to say, ‘come on then, do the lifting thing, he does‘.

I’ve had a quiet evening in, writing a letter, doing a bit of surfing, enjoying the cozy fire I lit when I got in. Benny’s down in Meath tonight, so I shall be doing my best later to cover every square inch of the bed like a big humanoid starfish. I said this to him earlier in jest and he informed me I try to do that every night. Oops.

Busy busy in work at the moment, hence the lack of posting yesterday. I found myself absolutley walloped last night when I got in, and all thoughts of doing a photo entry fell by the wayside when the couch wouldn’t release me from it’s grip and the tea just kept coming.

Anyway, that’s me for the night. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open so I shall obey my body. I find a lot of my observations recently are very closely related to work, and to my co-workers, and I can’t post things like that in the public sphere. I suppose I could work a little harder at making them general, but I want to talk about them specifically, so, that’s out. I don’t think my mind is tuned for creative thoughts at the moment one way or the other though, I’m very much in the present, and in problem solving work mode. Such are the ebbs and flows, my ebbs and flows.

Nighty night all, x