I’m safe. Not by the skin of my teeth either. I was congratulated sincerely for my efforts.

And now, well, after work, I’m off for a well deserved weekend in Cavan. Yum.

Thank you all for your supportive comments yesterday, and generally. Your belief in me never fails to surprise and soothe me. Thank you, x

P.S. I just sold another car before I got to post this, heehee!

Tomorrow is the climax of a months fretting. Fretting is putting it fairly mildly. I hit the target they loosely set me, and they seem impressed by the turn around. So, like I said, polish off those crossin’ fingers

I seem to have gone through a lot of odd blocks of ‘waiting’ over this past year. The bit before we came to Sligo, the bit in Cavan waiting for jobs and a house down here, the bit in that shitty call centre, the bit where I was starting the internet business, the bit where the cats got ringworm. Now this. Lessons in patience and in how to consciously shift my perspective have been learnt. I just hope this last ‘bit’ doesn’t leave me so drained I can’t enjoy it’s conclusion.

Obviously, I’ll let you all know how it goes.

******

Ha! I just realised, when I came up with that title, I consciously picked it as it mirrored the one I wrote about leaving the shitty call centre job. Then it occurred to me to use the photo I had used that day to avoid having to upload another tonight (bed is calling, insistently). That picture is the one that has been on my header (a cropping thereof) for the past month – the leaves with the sunlight shining through. Repetition, and patterns, and links and swirls and memories, you have to love them.

I don’t usually do thumbnails/links to pictures, but something just caught my attention in this one while I was flicking tonight, and I believe in going with my gut.

pict0009.jpg

I’ve sold a lot of cars this month. A lot more than last month. Polish off those crossin’ fingers people, I may be in with a chance yet.

My mind is full of car related junk, I’m almost afraid to step outside it to find thoughts of interest that I might write about here.

Bleh. I want my normal life back now please, I’d like to trade in this fraught existence for some boring safe stuff again.

I found this over at Christy’s blog. Cat lovers will especially enjoy this one

We took the new baby out for a spin today, it was one of the funnest things I’ve done in my life. I love my new car, love it with a passion. I’ll explain the method behind the madness of buying a practically new car at this odd time some other night – right now, it’s recovery on the couch time. We were out from eleven this morning til seven this evening – that’s how much fun we were having. The first few photos were taken at the Céide Fields, the second set in the Gaeltacht Mhuigh Eo (North Mayo Irish speaking area).

I don’t usually post snap shot style pics, but I’ll make an exception for he what knows stuff ’bout stuff

(All taken in the Hermitage, of course)

So tired, brain malfunctioning. I flicked through my images from SPB and this one jumped out, it wasn’t until I opened it up in Photoshop that I realised his helmet is skewed, which just makes it even more interesting. I love knights, love em. I had little knights on my red curtains when I was a child. Funny how staring at something for a long time as a child really drills it into your subconscious.

Crazy, crazy manic day today. It had to do with the car. It wont be sorted out til tomorrow.

I’m alright though, keeping positive, keeping myself busy in work, applying for jobs, petting kittens and drinking tea. When I get the car issue resolved tomorrow, I’ll have something to write about. In the meantime, thank you all for your supportive words, it really does cheer me up

An unintentional absence last night. Just sat down and started watching Medium and that was it.

Various different things are coming and going, all of them making me anxious, and I’m not inclined to say much about them until things are more settled.

I don’t like being in here, for obvious reasons. It’s a strain, being here, knowing I’m leaving, constantly thinking about all of the whys and wherefores.

It’s freezing. It’s misty, extremely damp, and frosty without the sparkle, if that makes any sense.

I feel like I’m paused on the starting line, crouching, ready to spring, with all that fire ready to go, but I have to contain it.

I feel worried, and caught up in a web of tiny niggles. All the little things are so much bigger when you’re heart is aching for stability.

That’s what I want. To sit, clink a cheers on the deck in the back garden and feel sorry for those poor bastards in February, who didn’t know how nicely things would work out.

When I was a child, I used to relish the days where I wasn’t in trouble, or in pain of any kind. I would sit in the back of the car on the way to school, and smooth my hands on the upholstery and smile out at the cloudy sky and say ‘today is a good day, and I will enjoy it, enjoy not being worried or scared or feeling guilty’. I did that so that on the bad days I would remember the feeling, and remind myself that I would have it again, and celebrate it when it came.

And I’m doing the same thing now, writing letters to that future self, so as not to forget what was gone through and to always remember to celebrate what is good.

(I’m not entirely sure if the audio is ok on this, I have no speakers in work. It just popped into my head when I was trying to think of a title).